Unfortunatley between changing occupations, status, and towns I've been feeling a little lost. I wasn't sure where I was, where I was trying to go, or how to get there. Furthermore I'd been feeling a little neglected in my talents and abilities being recognized by those around me due to my gender and position in society. Here I was, at last at the place where I had been trying to get to my whole life, and all I could think of was "What am I supposed to do with myself?"
So what do I do when I'm lost? Find a map! And find it I did! It's an old Ensign article entitled "One Thing Needful': Becoming Women of Greater Faith in Christ" by Patrcia T. Holland. I'm not going to post the whole article in this blog, but you can click here to see the link.
I especially loved these words from Sister Holland in the article:
"We must have the courage to be imperfect while striving for perfection. We must not allow our own guilt, the feminist books, the talk-show hosts, or the whole media culture to sell us a bill of goods—or rather a bill of no goods. We can become so sidetracked in our compulsive search for identity and self-esteem that we really believe it can be found in having perfect figures or academic degrees or professional status or even absolute motherly success. Yet, in so searching externally, we can be torn from our true internal, eternal selves. We often worry so much about pleasing and performing for others that we lose our uniqueness—that full and relaxed acceptance of one’s self as a person of worth and individuality. We become so frightened and insecure that we cannot be generous toward the diversity and individuality, and yes, problems, of our neighbors. Too many women with these anxieties watch helplessly as their lives unravel from the very core that centers and sustains them. Too many are like a ship at sea without sail or rudder, “tossed to and fro,” as the Apostle Paul said (see Eph. 4:14), until more and more of us are genuinely, rail-
grabbingly seasick."
As a single woman being forced into a career that I really didn't want due to my single status I had many friends in similar situations. Together we would be dumbfounded as we watched women who willfully neglected their divine callings as mothers. We could not understand as we watched them willingly abandon their children at home alone or with strangers while they went to work in search of a more fulfilling life. We could see first-hand how these children suffered as they grew up without the stability and security of a mother at home in exchange for larger homes and fancier cars. In our hearts we longed to be where they were and pitied them for not understanding their loss. I hope I will never have to compromise my values like that. Yes, marriage is an adjustment, not only due to living with another person, but also an adjustment in re-defining a lifestyle. But in the end-it's all worth it.
