My grown-up Christmas list

I made a list for Russ of what I want for Christmas.  This is what it consists of:

-a rolling pin
-Christmas themed cookie cutters
-a good haircut
-a nice pair of work shoes
-pony tail holders
-flower hair clips


One of my mission companions once said that you know you're a grown-up when you start asking for what you need as gifts instead of what you want.  I guess I don't really need Christmas themed cookie cutters or flower hair clips, but I had to chuckle that I have a haircut on my list.

After I showed Russ my list he told me his:

-children in our home
-a wife who's not so tired
-a better job

Melt my heart.  I married such a wonderful guy.  Here all my wishes were material things and he wishes only for the betterment of his family.  #1 will hopefully happen within the next few months as we pursue foster care.  #2 probably won't happen until I don't have to work anymore, but I'll sure make an effort to try and have more energy since it means so much to him.  #3 we are always hoping and praying for and with an upcoming job interview one can only hope for the best!  Maybe all our Christmas wishes will actually come true!

It DOES get easier

On my infertility board that I participate in a member asked a question as to weather or not it gets any easier.  7 out of 8 replied that it does not get any easier.  This surprised me.  While it is still extremely difficult it HAS gotten easier for me.  This was my reply:

I am with C_____ on this one. It HAS gotten easier for me. Not perfect, not painless, but easier. I don't spend the last 20 minutes of church crying in the bathroom anymore because I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't have kids. I no longer keep a tally of all the women I know who are pregnant. And I don't run to the store to grab a pregnancy test every time my period is late. And when I do take a pregnancy test and the answer comes out negative I no longer spend the whole day in tears. Every once-in-a-while I will have that same consuming feeling sadness and betrayal, but it's not ALL the time anymore. I try to avoid situations that would make me upset, and that helps. I feel like I am beginning to trust God again and allow Him to heal me. I am also looking foreword to other possibilities in my future; the prospect of becoming foster parents and maybe adopt; enjoying my cousin's little family that will be moving here soon; and finding joy again in the things that I used to do. I have heard that time heals all wounds and I truly believe that. The key for me is to allow myself to mourn when I need to and to be patient with myself.

But then I wondered, when the answer was an overwhelming "no" for almost everybody else what made it such a definite "yes" for me?   I realized that it is my faith in Jesus Christ and my knowledge of the plan of salvation.  It hurts like heck that I may never be a mother in this life, but I KNOW that if Russ and I are faithful to our covenants then we WILL be parents in the life to come.  Last week I was listening to an interview on the Mormon Channel with Sister Julie B. Beck who is currently serving as the General Relief Society president.  The interviewer referenced a talk that Sister Beck gave in 2004 entitled "A Mother Heart" and asked Sister Beck what exactly is a "mother heart."  Sister Beck's reply was exactly what I needed to hear.  This is what she said:

A woman has that heart if she has a testimony of her identity as a daughter of God, that should she merit eternal life, and that life we all yearn for, then her title will be mother.  That will be the honorable name she will be called by.  No matter what her life experiences here in this life, a worthy woman will be a mother.  And that heart is developed with an understanding.  I think it's a Christ-like heart; having the attributes of Christ and having the kind of love and yearning for that eternal blessing.

I know this to be true.  The most hurtful part of infertility is not that I can't have children at this time; it's to see women who have children who don't appreciate what they have.  It's to see mother's who cry and whine about how miserable their life is and how difficult their children are.  Life is a challenge.  It was meant to be.  But I hope that those who have children can appreciate this blessing and have joy in it.  They have right now, in this life, that thing which all righteous women yearn for.  They carry at this time the most honorable role and title that one can possibly have.  They carry this title for a time.  But if I am true and faithful I will carry it for eternity.  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword, or infertility?  Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.  For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

How to watch a scary show

After years of sitting on the edge of my seat and jumping at every noise while watching a scary show or move, I have finally figured out how to watch a scary scene without feeling frightened.

It is really very simple.  All you have to do is during the scary part replace the suspenseful music playing in the background with a happy upbeat song in your mind.  Here, let me show you what I mean:

First push play on this:

Now leave that playing while you watch this (you may want to turn the volume down on the first one a little bit):

And then all of a sudden it's not very scary at all-it's really actually quite funny!

Good things to come.

What a busy fall this has been for us!  Here's a little bit of what's been going on:

In September we attended a 3 hour orientation meeting.
In October we completed a 27 hour training course.
Also in October we completed a First Aid/CPR course.

Any ideas yet on what's happening?  I'll keep going...

In November we will be filling out a lot of paperwork.   We will also be very busy cleaning and organizing our second bedroom and putting all the things in there that we don't need into storage.  We will be purchasing outlet covers, untangling the cords on the blinds, locking up all our vitamins and medicine, and placing all cleaning supplies safely out-of-reach.

After all that we will have a special visit from a WA State employee.  Of course before that visit we still have to purchase two fire-escape ladders, age-appropriate toys for ages 0-17, a water proof mattress cover, and a crib that converts into a toddler bed complete with bedding.  

Have you figured it out yet?

We're going to be foster parents!!!!  We have decided to do foster to adopt knowing that the majority of the children that come into our home will not be able to be adopted, but will return to their birth families. We will be open to inviting children of all ages into our home (hence the twin sized bed plus the crib that converts into a toddler bed) but we feel that the best fit for us at this time would be elementary school-aged kids (6-11, give or take a couple of years!)

Can you see how excited we are?  A little nervous, a little apprehensive, but a LOT excited.  We have both been waiting a long time for this!

I'm not a prissy girl

I'm not a prissy girl.  I have never worn "real" high heels.  I didn't start wearing makeup until after I graduated from High School.  I love getting my hands dirty.  I love camping.  I live to be outside.

But I'm still a girl.  I hate lifting heavy things.  I try to make myself look nice (although I do need self-reminders sometimes).  I won't touch an insect or amphibian with my bare hands, no matter how cute or interesting I think it is.  I am easily won over by flowers.

I'm not a prissy girl, but I love who I am.    

Espanol

For the next 3 months I will be working at our satellite location.  I have had some very mixed feelings about this, but in the end I trust it is for the best.  I get to meet new people, and I have a new job to learn, and a LOT of work to do as this location is very understaffed.  One of the things I love most about my job (at both locations) is that I get to use my Spanish--everday!  When I left for my mission to Ecuador in 2003 I knew that I would have a wonderful and unique opportunity to learn fluent Spanish and I wanted to take advantage of that blessing to the best of my ability.  I prayed and asked Heavenly Father for the opportunity to use my Spanish skills to bless the lives of others for the rest of my life, but little did I know how much they would end up blessing my own life.  I always try my hardest to speak Spanish perfectly, but I know sometimes I mess up-using the feminine article for a word instead of the masculine one, or vice versa-as well as other similar errors.  I also know I speak with an accent-it is pretty much impossible to learn a new language as an adult and not speak with an accent.  (But I always figure that if I can speak Spanish as well as President Uchdorf speaks Engish then I'm in pretty good shape!)

Often my native Spanish-speaking coworkers will ask me if my dad is Mexican or if my parents speak Spanish (I think its funny that they always assume that my dad would be Latin-American and my mom would be white but that always seems to be how they imagine it).  I always feel flattered when they ask this!  If I can't speak perfectly at least they think I speak well enough to be a first generation American who grew up with a lot of Spanish at home!

Today I got the ultimate compliment.  A coworker just flat out asked (in Spanish of course)
"So, what part of Mexico are you from?"
WOW!!!!
"I'm not from Mexico.  What makes you think I'm from Mexico?"
"Because you speak Spanish so well.  They have white people in Mexico too."
"But I speak with an accent, don't I?'
"Yeah."
"A little bit, or a lot?"
"A lot."

Oh bummer.  Well, at least I was on cloud nine for a little while.  Other people have told me that I hardly speak with any accent of all. (Yes, I'm always trying to figure out how I sound to people when I talk.)  I do know that when I'm tired my Spanish gets worse.  I still feel flattered that he thought I was from Mexico, even if he thinks I talk with a heavy accent.  I just have to remember President Uchdorf!

Coral Bells

Usually I find Autumn to be a wonderful time of year.  Beautiful colors, changes in the air, crisp wind, and the return of rains.  This year I have to admit that I have NOT been looking forward to Autumn.  I already miss the warmth and smells of summer, the long days and sunlight.   I have not been looking forward to Autumn-until today.  We had a large order that I got to help assemble and part of it included large quantities of this plant:

Isn't she just beautiful!  Look at those gorgeous fall colors!  The picture really doesn't even come close to giving it justice.  Here's another one just to give you a better idea:

Her name is Huechera Sweet Tea, and if I had a yard she would be all over it!  

Oh, what is Huechera you ask?   Most people I know just call it Huechera, but a favorite song of mine that I would sing over and over again as a girl reveals its common name:

White Coral Bells 

upon a slender stalk
Lilies of the valley 

deck my garden walk.
Oh don't you wish 

that you could hear them ring?
That will happen only when the fairies sing

I will save you the trouble now of telling you what an awesome perennial plant I think Huechera is.  Did you know that it comes in just about every color (including green)?

And its a great plant to use in container gardens.

Oh sorry, I got a little distracted there.  Even though Heuchera comes in all those colors and can be used all year round the lovely colors of Huechera Sweet Tea gave me that extra longing I needed for all things Autumn.