Romans 8

It has been so easy in the trial I am now going through to lose faith and hope.

Has God forgotten me?

"The Spirit itself beareth ^awitness with our ^bspirit, that we are the ^cchildren of God: And if children, then heirs; ^aheirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we ^bsuffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the ^asufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the ^bglory which shall be revealed ^cin us."

No.

I am not sure if this will ever really happen. Has hope been lost?

"For we are saved by ^ahope: but hope that is ^bseen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it."

No.

I pray for the desires of my heart to be answered and yet my womb remains empty.

Does He hear me? Will things work out?

"Likewise the Spirit also ^ahelpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should ^bpray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh ^cintercession for us with ^dgroanings which cannot be uttered. And he that ^asearcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh ^bintercession for the saints according to the will of God.And we know that all things work together for ^agood to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

Yes.

Will I pull through this? Will I be able to stand strong against these tides that threaten to pull me under?

"Who shall separate us from the ^alove of Christ? shall ^btribulation, or distress, or ^cpersecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are ^akilled all the day long; we are accounted as ^bsheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are ^amore than ^bconquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to ^aseparate us from the ^blove of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Yes.

And in the words of the scriptures I find strength. I cannot help but think of the words of this hymn:

Shall the youth of Zion falter
In defending truth and right?
While the enemy assaileth,
Shall we shrink or shun the fight? No!
True to the faith that our parents have cherished,
True to the truth for which martyrs have perished,
To God's command,
Soul, heart, and hand,
Faithful and true we will ever stand.

While we know the pow'rs of darkness
Seek to thwart the work of God,
Shall the children of the promise
Cease to grasp the iron rod? No!
True to the faith that our parents have cherished,
True to the truth for which martyrs have perished,
To God's command,
Soul, heart, and hand,
Faithful and true we will ever stand.

Fun visits with fun people

A friend of mine from the mission, Cara, came to visit this weekend. It was so much fun. I love her jovial charisma! I think I laughed more in the past 3 days than I have in the past 6 months! Her presence was just what I needed to lift my spirits. She also just returned from a summer in my beloved Ecuador and I loved hearing some first-hand news about that place, which is more special to me than words can describe. Here are some highlights of the weekend:

I took Cara to some sights on Whidbey Island where I grew up. We met my mom at Deception Pass State park for a picnic lunch and then we went to Fort Casey.

We went to the Vancouver, BC temple.

We got lost driving around trying to get to downtown Vancouver.

And of course we spent some time just hanging out and relaxing.

New background

So I'm totally diggin' my new blog background. I LOVE it. It is SO me. What do you think?

Broken

Broken

No glimpse of blood, for months on end

Yet no child in my womb to make this so

Hurting

The pain in my heart continues to grow

Yet in silence my tears flow alone

May

Seeing year after year how those of other’s have grown

This is the most painful time of year

Eyes

That cannot see my pain, my fear

Full of questions they dare not ask

Heart

Aching and broken, I do not fit the task

What makes them so much greater than I?

Lost

Hope is gone. I only ask “Why”?

And the only answer is that I am

Broken

Our Wedding

This week we will have completed 1 1/2 years of marriage! I thought posting our wedding video would be a good way to commemorate.

Enough.

I am exhausted. Tired. Worn out. It seems to be with us that when things start to get better life always takes a turn for the worse. What hurts is that when people make stupid, and rash decisions it has a direct effect on us. The decisions of one person who was having a bad day now set us back and I honestly don't know where we'll be tomorrow. I can't handle much more of this! We always seem to be the last ripple affected by those who make unwise choices. It's tempting to say we're just unlucky, or that maybe we're just not good people. The reality of the situation is that God is giving us a trial so that we can know for ourselves just how strong we are. And maybe perhaps also so that we can lift others in the future. I wish it would just be over. I wish I could venge this wrong-doing myself. But all I can do for now is grab on to the iron rod with both hands and "dig in".

My other blog

I have a confession. I started another blog. It details my journey's dealing with PCOS and infertility. If any of you dare to venture there you may. You can find it here. I do still plan on updating this blog about as often as I have been (which is really only once every month or two).